Sorry Neighbours!

I am a Bad Neighbour.  There!  I feel better already for getting that off my chest! Let me elaborate...

Recently a couple of friends came round for dinner.  It was a warm summer's evening so after we'd eaten and had a couple of glasses of wine, we decided to go and sit outside on the balcony.  My block of flats directly faces the next block so when you're on the balcony you can see directly into people's kitchens and living rooms. It can get a bit 'Rear Window' at times, but we all surreptitiously observe each other. They watch me doing the washing up & having lunch & I watch them on the computer & sitting in front of the TV.  My neighbours haven't done anything particularly outrageous (yet) but I live in hope.  

Anyway, we were sitting there, slightly (ok very) drunk and my mate W starts asking me about who lives in which flats. Directly opposite me are a couple of girls sharing - one of them has a child.  'COOL!' He bellows, 'LESBIANS!'  I'd forgotten, in my drunken state, how the sound can bounce off the two blocks and amplify.  

I know, I know - for what it's worth, I'm still cringing... It, er, gets worse...  

These two girls disappear for a bit & return in their pyjamas.  One of them then starts kissing the window and then they begin having a pillow fight RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW!  Not only that but they kept stopping and looking round at us!  We were so drunk that it took about five minutes before it dawned on us what they were doing and why!  Like I said, I'm still cringing and big respect to those girls for having a sense of humour. 

Now, when I go and sit on the balcony, everyone immediately closes their blinds. I'm thinking of hanging a banner off the balcony saying, 'SORRY NEIGHBOURS.  I WAS DRUNK, OK?'  

Under the circumstances, I think it's only fair that I award myself 'Villian of the Day.' 

Shampoo and Set

Just as I've decided to occasionally award a 'Hero of the Day',  so I shall also have to award an occasional 'Villain of the Day'.

The first villain's award will have to go to the girl who washed my hair in the hairdresser's yesterday.  I sat down at one of those bowl things - you know - you lean against the bowl thing and the girl stands behind you whilst she washes your hair and all the water runs down the bowl and not onto your shoulders.  There's probably a technical term for them, I just don't know what it is.

Anyway, I digress...  I sat down and the girl asked if the height of the bowl thing was ok. 'Yes,' I said, 'It's perfect'.  It was. 

She then promptly pulled the bowl up by about a centimetre.  This was now not perfect.  It was bloody agonising.  It was cutting into the back of my neck and it made me start to see stars.  

I bore the pain stoically for as long as I could (about a minute) before I asked her if she could lower the height.  'Yea,' she said as she pushed down with both hands and all her strength on the bowl.  I had to abruptly slide right down the seat in order to avoid being compressed to the size of a garden gnome.  

'Is that ok?', she chav-drawled.

... er... Let's think about this...  I'm practically horizontal in the seat, with my neck at a 90 degree angle...  Do I look ok?  But of course, I didn't say this.  She was clearly crazed and/or simple and I didn't want to enrage her.  I mean, she had me in a vulnerable position there, she could squirt shampoo in my face or something.  'That's fine', I replied and spent the next ten minutes gripping onto the arms of the surprisingly slippery chair, trying not to slide off it completely, whilst she vigorously lathered my hair.

I didn't give her a tip but perhaps I should have - "Practise saying 'Would you like to Super-Size that?'  You're gonna need it"